Get all 50 I dream of you endlessly. releases available on Bandcamp and save 90%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Severed, The Dust and The Distance, An Aching, Yangtze Ballet, Glass End Gowns/Endless, Candles, A Monument to a Ruined Heart, If there were never light, the loss could be warm., and 42 more.
1. |
Starved of Stature
02:07
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Watch as we drown below metallurgy and wires. A world becoming fevered, this time becoming meek, it has all coalesced into nothing more than a desire to uncage ourselves from the fear emerging within our hell. That which you loved, has slipped from your fingers, and fallen from your reach.
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2. |
Throes of Sleep
08:08
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As freely as I dream, and as wasteful as sleepwalking. Futility and tears driven from closed eyes. Through hours of grief and hours of trepidation, a cascading spectrum of fading light and absence of night. Through hours of loneliness and hours of tears, a forgotten lantern holding on to a flame burned out and a wick untouched. Inside open doors lies a headstone hung above love and hung below a kitten’s slumber. It softly sways between waking and breaking. An eternity of dreams left to circle tempting hopes of everything you ever believed you wanted.
A broken doll. A final scent of butterscotch exhaled from a final breath. The sound of a poor dog’s whimper.
It’s voice is lost in the cold, and your eyes are lost in the dark. It doesn’t matter. It never really did. Dreams never truly end. Your dreams never truly began. From this treacherous place you can never find an escape.
There has never been a way out. The whimper you so desperately want to save will be left to silencing, and you, you are left walking hopeless dreams of mesmer. Silent and alone.
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3. |
Candles
05:49
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All of these notes and trifling little words. The dreadful party of stolen time. Every song and every attempt falls short, and every melody has now become meaningless. Losing myself in the sound of strife. I will never find that boy who lost all hope. Droning on and on of the same pain, again and again. It’s nothing more than an empty carousel, and it doesn’t ever seem to change. Laments on loss, a songbird trapped within the only tune it’s only ever known how to sing. I don’t know how to change, but it cuts down to the bone when you tell me I’ve done so. Is it all a plea for endless beauty or some need to no longer breathe? Have I taken shape of the imprint in my bed, shallow and sinking deeper with each night I dream of leaving? Do I dream of leaving for the sake of burying time and the death of candles, whole of passion and sensations of feeling whole again? Behind my head I think the course has changed, but I fall into the exact same time from every night I’ve ever had. Innocence has long since fled, and I promised you that I could change, but each and every time, I retrace what’s fled from my throat and swallow them whole again.
How can I break the chains of fibers forming all I’ve ever been? How can I feel any less afraid without a way to make this fear of waking go away? How can I ever beg myself to wake up, when all I want to do is dream. If I don’t believe in a life better than this, how could I ever find rest in eyes closing down? Tonight I’ll push too hard, and I’ll crack.
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4. |
Murmered
06:38
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In absent light
Your rolling head
Your softest whimper
Our sweetest nights
A widow’s grace
Upon your shoulders
In blinded sight
In tempting lace
Bitten lips and cradled hips
Whispers of love
Murmured in dream
Hammers of home
Rung in our heads
Howls of love
Murmured in dream
From grinning faces
To anxious breath
Rabbit’s ears
Thrown back
At last we’re here
And out of patience
Whispers of love
Murmured in dream
Hammers of home
Rung in our heads
Howls of love
Murmured in dream
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5. |
Trussing the Throat
04:45
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Time has taken its toll
Day in and day out
Delusive and crying out loud
Tired of pushing away
Sick of begging one to stay
I miss falling into the empty folds
Of memories now become stories told
These thoughts are maddening
Coming on without reason
Telling you these words
It’s only getting worse
Twisted neck and shaking hands
I don’t know how much you can stand
Time has taken its toll
Years to come and years now gone
There was nothing I could have done
Tired of breaking apart
Sick of going too far
I miss falling into sleep so sound
When I dream, I dream out loud
Time has taken its toll
Seconds to grieve and mourn
I don’t want to feel anything anymore
Tired of what I am
Sick of these lovesick hands
Dreams always coming undone
Now
I only wish to be numb
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6. |
Enamored
05:59
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If I could only get closer to you
Closer, only closer
Inside of you
Breathe in me and feel the whole of us
Fingers and palms caressing angel’s feathers
Touching higher
I’m getting closer
It’s getting hotter
We’re dancing in fires
You leave me so enamored
Resisting just another drink
Holding back on the brink of desire
It burns
Swallowing the candlelight of lust
Just a few more and I’m done
Touching burning spires
I’m getting closer
It’s getting hotter
We’re dancing ever higher
The ecstasy of letting go
The fear of nights alone
We just let go
Dancing closer to bed
You can’t hold off any more
Setting fire to once locked doors
If I could only get closer to you
Closer, only closer
Inside of you
Breathe in me and feel the whole of us
Fingers and palms caressing angel’s feathers
We’re playing with embers
We’re dancing with the birth of ashes
We’re breathing heavy
We’re dreaming a love for eternity
We’re dancing with the birth of our ashes
Enamored and breathless
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7. |
Before Broken Hands
04:31
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With gossamer wings, our feet, tethered and bound. Before children’s laughter and fraternal knots, a palimpsest, a vignette reared for our endless. Flesh enrobed by wire, cutting and clawing, we shiver to breathe, we move to bleed. Plagued by the wonder of head and of heart, we cry for nothing more, something less. Knock on the door of this ghost you love, force his face to your eyes. His descent into isolation has left us all battered and bruised.
This withdrawal has done no justice. He has left us all before his broken hands. Shifted into off frames, bones heal in error. Returning to stature, but it’s not of a piece. Fingers crooked and skin gnarled, these hands unresting in peace. In heavens, broken hands embrace turmoil.
With fallen wings, our feet, weightless and free. Before a child’s tears and all now lost, a vacant gaze, a hollowness bred for our memory. Hearts encased in iron, unmoving, we try to love, we love to dream.
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8. |
Ger Egan
04:48
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Residing among callousness
Stale yearning for archaic voices
Asking for unbound brutality
Beg for form and fate to cease
I am enclosed by pages blindly
Flirtatious and slaughtered
Regaining dominion of choices
I’ve left unsatisfied
My name resides in ostracized remains
Tempted by fever and restraint
Desecrated by gods of treason
I cower behind aubergine petals
Cower in this garden of disgrace
You cannot know the pain
You cannot know the shame
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9. |
Glimpses of Your Ghost
13:19
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I turn and for a moment
I thought I saw you there
Tired and pale
For only a moment
I thought you were still here
A dreamy veil of home
Just staring at the wall
Pretending you’re beside me still
Beside me a little more
Do you remember my name
Can you remember my face
I turned again
and for a moment
I thought I saw you there
Tired and aching
For only a moment
I thought you were still here
I dreamt you’d come home to me
The reality of loneliness
walking with your ghost
It doesn’t matter much to me
If you’re real or but a dream
I just want to see your face
I only wish
to hold you again
I turn once more
and for a moment
I thought I saw you there
Bright eyed and smiling
For only a moment
A desperate prayer for sleep
I know you’re still near
But you’ll never come home
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10. |
Corporeal Configuration
02:35
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From out of this shining star
Comes nothing more
And nothing of this reliquary
Must we succumb
Tear stains among the face of a dog grown weary and lost
Songs in vain we’ve wrought
Sense entwined too loose
Your life has become comedic
Dreary and lacking substance
You’re all so fucking sick
You’ve all lived in only an instant
A time of sentiment has become forever suffocated by the dimness of momentary pleasure
You all have severed yourselves from the beauty of a true heart
The beauty of a world now left to sorrow in vain
We’ve regarded ourselves as gods
We’ve held ourselves everything but nought
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11. |
Diminishing Compassion
06:13
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I’ve had this sinking feeling in my gut too many years before this year, and this has only grown to sink in every fear and force out every tear it can from eyes that glance around at the ground and mumble to themselves about how nothing seems to change, and everything they see seems to always become what it’s already been.
Watch the stones stalk the pebbles, the pebbles mock the soil. No matter the cascades of diminishing compassion, all of them were, at one point or another, that which they stalked or mocked or feared.
How could there never be anything when all you ever gave was everything?
Returning to your same grievances at the death of every day, turning to your dreams of everything that has already been.
How could nothing ever change, when all anyone and anything can do is change?
No matter the cascades of diminishing compassion, all of them were, at one point or another, that which they stalked or mocked or feared.
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12. |
Wings Cast Down
08:33
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Carved from blood
Blood alone
Shapes of treason
Objects of treachery
In your heart alone
Gone is your voice of reason
You’re alive but never free
Inside the cages of empty heads
Hands laid out
Wings cast down
Martyrs for nothing said
Gone is your desire for eternity
You will dream
You will hopelessly say
That this life will never leave
Reducing the shame
Of what’s no longer veiled
Repairing the pain
Of memory no longer held
I find no reason to fight
For any feeling
For you’ve already died
In this life of sincerity
I find myself
And never more can I believe
This dream now impermanent
Though I’d rather it be
Rest your weary head
Allow regal wings to cast you down
Committed to perpetual writhing retained
The sound and blight of blind stricken doubt
Remaining held in the dark
Of angel’s wings torn apart
Collide with glass end gowns
As you and your wings are cast down
Relegated to this eternal furnace
Condemned to this lowest grace
Cast out and cast ever downward
Retrieving the shame
Of all solely veiled
Reconstructing your pain
In the memory clung to and reveled in
I find no reason to fight
For any repentance
For I’ve only ever tried
In this life of brevity
I’ve lost myself
And never more can I receive
A dream of permanence
No matter how I desire it to be
Rest your weary head
Allow regal wings to cast you down
Committed to perpetual writhing retained
The sound and blight of blind stricken doubt
Remaining held in the dark
Of angel’s wings torn apart
Collide with glass end gowns
As you and your wings are cast down
Relegated to this eternal furnace
Condemned to this lowest grace
Cast out and cast ever downward
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13. |
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Under the roller coaster, I watched her slip into the clouds. My mother sunken and swallowed. I awoke and returned to dream. Dreaming of all the ways I could have saved her. Round and round, chained to the circling, enigmatic machine. Swung from bare to swollen. Drowning in emancipation. Enslaved to an unbeknownst error of gods.
Beneath the fault of apathetic hands, Xerces Blue took its final air. Beneath the fault of incompetence, a mother wished her child a final sweet dream. Sacrilege and this self possessed demureness has led to this. Under false pretenses of aeons of us, I held it so, that you may never succumb.
Beneath the fault of apathetic hands, Xerces Blue took its final air. Beneath the fault of incompetence, a mother wished her child a final sweet dream.
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14. |
Hereafter
06:44
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Untold consequences
Unspoken beauty of travesties to come and tragedy of ground bereft of your body
Linger in the eyes of graven heads
Read over and over
The letters soon to become your death
I want to retain the strength to restrain
This need for extinguishing dying embers
It returns to form and returns to heart
Within this self, is your sharpened stake
Pale and unborn
Time is now well unstrung
Secluded in superlative aches
I find myself welcoming the un-beloved
I will bring myself to gather fear
And exhume atonement from this blood
I only intend to reduce this and leave it here
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15. |
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Maladies Resurge and Converge
Slumbering and waking eyes have become one and the same. It matters not whether sights and sounds are dream or dreamless. There is no longer a cautionary bridge between respite and day, alive and night. There is no one or the other. Only a bridge of sand, grains falling away as grains come forth, both leaving and going, dreaming and waking.
I am breathing air that isn’t there. Spectating the collapse and construction of every object and heart in front of me. Falling away and returning again each second, each minute, every hour, every grain. Everything is breathing, but nothing is living.
Nothing… no one is dying.
So familiar. So far unseen. The imprint of blood, the etches of framed, sorrowed gray, the sketch of morning and a loom.
The dawn’s sky illuminated with a pale hand, tethered by a gossamer that hides behind weightless cotton clouds. Thread spun so thin, it will remain unseen for an eternity. An orb weaver forever hiding from my gaze.
This feeling won’t go away. Nothing is mine. Everything held together so perfectly with such a fine thread; everything always seems to be pulling yet pulled upon. An air of contempt so heavy, so leaden, that you can’t even feel it on what was once your skin. I am crushed by everything. Filled with an emptiness. Sinking.
The sky held by a thinnest thread. My frame strung with loosest twine. Barely held together, but never left to fall apart. Never gifted the gift of coming undone. I can’t wake when, in every dream I dream, I dream myself awake.
Slumbering and waking eyes have become one and the same.
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16. |
Reconcile
07:35
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There must always be a way
Some word or form to bring this all back together again
Countless times reproved
The sentences fell away and fell again into the teeth of seclusion
Kissing memories and lustful, disillusioned dreams
When may we reconcile with who we’ve been
When may we forge from this kiln, an entwined life of everything we desire it to be
You choose to stare at this, blankly
To comprehend heavy head held
You’ve watched me in sanctified retreat
Heard, again and again, that which I prefer not to retread
May I take this chance for myself
To reconcile with all that, now, cannot be undone
To return all once felt
The shadow of everyone left
Claws at me and speaks down the neck
Trying to return all I had held
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17. |
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An Eternity Awaits Us All
In this room, I wish I could stay for an eternity, close my eyes for an eternity. Nowhere else has ever been for me. A place for rest, a home for dreams, a heart for shattered picture frames. For shattered frames.
There’s no handle on the door. There’s no way out. There’s nothing left, but hopeless day dreams, and prayers for more time.
Trapped beneath tethered frequencies, you don’t feel the same. A hollow embrace one more time. Listening to the scream from within you one more time. Capturing our image in an image of glass one last time. Drinking dry an empty bottle for the final time. Feeling whole and hoping for dreams just one more time.
Awake one more time, close your eyes one more time; whose face will I see in one last dream?
Pray for an eternity destroyed. Fall asleep for those who still breathe. Breathe for those who don’t have the strength left to leave. Dream of me as I lay and dream of eternity one more time. Think of all the different ways, of all the different days, of the endless ways, you could try to make things change. Believe in the fantasy of pleas heard, bargains satisfied, and the absence of treachery.
Lay with me, and wish for everything to be as it used to be, and find it all to be ever changed, find yourself pleading for more time and more dreams. Wish for everything to be what it can never be again. I can’t ever tell you how beds seem to die, how pillows swallow weeks and centuries, how cotton sheets seem to tear apart everything holding us together, how a room becomes a shallow grave for dreams now gone, dreams now dead, lives now dying.
And when I wake, I find myself fighting to dream a little more, but sleep will never return as it had; hope will always find a way to leave everything in shattered pieces of nothing more than love, barren and fleeting, and I will never have enough time to close my eyes, and dream just one more time.
I will dream myself awake, awake alone and wake empty inside. Tomorrow, eternity awaits us all. I cannot hide from destiny. I cannot run so helplessly. Protesting my fate, tonight, I cannot any longer. Tonight, eternity awaits my first and final dreaming.
I will never have enough time to close my eyes, and dream just one more time.
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I dream of you endlessly. Oklahoma
This Empty Carousel
IDOYE
Somewhere swallowed.
Cherish Sweet
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