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Dreams of a Marionette Matinee

by I dream of you endlessly.

/
  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    Double CD running roughly 82 minutes. Setup is backwards and upside down. 6 page lyric booklet with photography that I take in my free time. Edition of 25 without any desire to make more copies in the future. Each order will be accompanied with a personalized note.

    Includes unlimited streaming of Dreams of a Marionette Matinee via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 5 days
    edition of 25 

      $12 USD or more 

     

  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Purchasable with gift card

      $5 USD  or more

     

  • Full Digital Discography

    Get all 50 I dream of you endlessly. releases available on Bandcamp and save 90%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Severed, The Dust and The Distance, An Aching, Yangtze Ballet, Glass End Gowns/Endless, Candles, A Monument to a Ruined Heart, If there were never light, the loss could be warm., and 42 more. , and , .

    Purchasable with gift card

      $2.30 USD or more (90% OFF)

     

1.
Waiting in haste Waiting once more Laying in a waste Once more for gore No trees left A barren solace No love said Forget your grace Bring what you need Bring what you fear Just remember To bring your true face Because this melancholy Is coming back Breathing the dust Aching and hushed Hold your doll Hold you doll Left behind But it's okay String the twine And attend the final Marionette matinee Bring what you need Bring what you fear Just remember To bring your true face Because this dream Will never end.
2.
An eternity of promises All broken All weathered No reason To say a word To even show this face This blundering disgrace Waking has become A soft, greyish liability Not wanting to see Not wanting to sleep Just trying to remember How to breathe.
3.
Sitting here Confined to a Jack-in-the-box Of isolation Never knowing when the urge will strike But it's always the same each time Worthlessness and self-condemnation For each and every thought The repetitive cycle of shame and loss I could tell you to your glaring eyes That I want to kill myself But when I tell you the truth That I just want to die It begins the decay Of what a human should be Laying here There's no tongue Able to profess these feelings into the right words Like the music box at my bedside I play my heart when you want me to Then you turn me off Filled with contempt that the truth in my heart Is not the truth in yours.
4.
Too scared to sleep To step out Being seen Has become Such a fragile hardship This isn't my body This isn't my voice Nostalgia slips through These delicate fingers And I'm losing all sense Of anything heaven sent Hiding away Is all I know how to do Believing I'm dead Pretending I've already left.
5.
And I'm trying to reach you I'm calling out to you But you can't hear me Stealing memory Stealing sleep These past few years I've lost so much of myself I'm not sure If there's anything left of me Worth saving These past few years Stealing dreams Taking queues I'm not sure why I'm here Because these past few years I've lost everything I've lost every reason And I'm trying to reach you I'm calling out to you But you won't hear me No one will hear me But you too Would be ashamed If you were me.
6.
Still Remain 06:19
Cradling a jaw of stone An egg emptied of yolk No life left Memory ceased for them Long before my frail hands Could grace their shells Oh, how the days cease to glimmer How the sun no longer shines The reminder is pounded and ground Into my essence each and every night We all must go They already have Awaiting a second death When all semblance of their memory Is lost and forgotten Awaiting my second death That melancholic hour When he holds you And in his comfort You forget my face You can't remember my name And in that hour I'll silently stride away From the darkest corners of your heart To be left behind Finding myself in what still remains Of this life Of what I had.
7.
Images of static Burning a trail through memory Bitter and singed Reeking of sorrows Bleeding through the bark Of piney woods breathing a ruinous air Voices of nostalgia Soaking into every heavy, ashen cloud Bitter and sodden Tasting of second chances Remaining through fear Of time that will never come again Light grown dim Through every splintered ray Forcing its way into my bed Blocking out the stars Sheets overhead There is always so much more I should have said But evermore so many words I should have never spoken So many lives I could have left All too many I should have In this hefty, grey avoidance Choosing to remain In the depths Of a cold, harrowing heart I still remain For I belong to it I belong to this.
8.
Always some hope There will be something more In and after this death A light to shine A beautiful smile to see Each and every night Maybe when all has left I'll have another chance To see your face And hold you close And if you're not there I could spectate near Watching over you A minute flicker in the clouds A guardian angel Ensuring that You're safe and sound
9.
I had a dream last night Everyone I hold dear was there Each one standing before me Tears flooded their eyes before my body A perverse nightmare of my own wake I wanted to scream out to you To tell you I was sorry To let you know How much I love you But I'm not there Then the eulogy proceeded Each word was so thick and grey I could have snatched and pulled them down From the stars above us all When you began to speak Tears never ceased to flow From your pale and wounded eyes Each sentence felt so close To waking my heart I was contorted and writhing in such agony I wanted to scream out to you To tell you I was sorry To let you know How much I love you But I'm not there Cradled in a six foot crate of loblolly pine And soon to be in one Just large enough To hold my ashes Just the right size To lock me away Just the perfect size To be thrown away Each word was so thick and grey I could have snatched and pulled them down From the stars above us all When you began to speak Tears never ceased to flow From your pale and wounded eyes Each sentence felt so close To waking my heart I was contorted and writhing in such agony I wanted to scream out to you To tell you I was sorry To let you know How much I love you But I'm not there.
10.
I can recall walking back from class. A usual overcast day sodden with heavy clouds, and an unbearable lightness sifting through the air. Everything was always so weightless in that town. Retreating back to my room, to my glass reclusion. Alone with my words. Alone with my shame. Staring out the window to a scene of the sun beginning to set behind loblolly and red-cedar. Remembering the Parana in the Mast Arboretum. Ignoring what work needed to be done. Ignoring the dull emptiness festering inside. Images of that lone Japanese maple fading. Standing in my own body as an apparition. When we got the call, I didn't know what to say. I couldn't believe you were gone. I knew it would be soon. Watching the light from your eyes dim the month before. I never would have been ready. Sitting at Nigel's desk, at first in profound shock, and then wetting myself in a deluge of tears. I never got to say goodbye. To hold you, and tell you one last time how much I love you. And there will never be a second chance. Years have passed, and I no longer reside in the town, in which in my head, you passed away. Now your ashes are stowed upon the mantle. Everyday I walk past the remains of what you were. Now sitting mere miles from the remnants of your body, I listen to Town and Country's, "That Old Feeling", and think of you. I was listening to it then in the wake of your passing. I listen to it now and remember how much I love you. But you're gone. You've been gone for nearly three years, and the scenery has changed. Yearning to return to that grey town to hold your true memory again. Back to Nacogdoches, where I was content to reside as a ghost. Going back to where I left my heart in the sheets of a twin sized bed five foot off the floor. I want to go home. I want to go home now.

about

I would like to thank my brother, Nigel, for everything. I love you dearly. I am most certain I would not be sitting here writing this if it were not for you. I am still here and you are here as well, and given these circumstances I still have the chance everyday to tell you how much I love you.

credits

released March 10, 2023

Gideon Mitcham-all

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I dream of you endlessly. Oklahoma

This Empty Carousel
IDOYE
Somewhere swallowed.
Cherish Sweet

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