Get all 50 I dream of you endlessly. releases available on Bandcamp and save 90%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Severed, The Dust and The Distance, An Aching, Yangtze Ballet, Glass End Gowns/Endless, Candles, A Monument to a Ruined Heart, If there were never light, the loss could be warm., and 42 more.
1. |
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Waiting in haste
Waiting once more
Laying in a waste
Once more for gore
No trees left
A barren solace
No love said
Forget your grace
Bring what you need
Bring what you fear
Just remember
To bring your true face
Because this melancholy
Is coming back
Breathing the dust
Aching and hushed
Hold your doll
Hold you doll
Left behind
But it's okay
String the twine
And attend the final
Marionette matinee
Bring what you need
Bring what you fear
Just remember
To bring your true face
Because this dream
Will never end.
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2. |
A Wish to Be Forgotten
08:48
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An eternity of promises
All broken
All weathered
No reason
To say a word
To even show this face
This blundering disgrace
Waking has become
A soft, greyish liability
Not wanting to see
Not wanting to sleep
Just trying to remember
How to breathe.
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3. |
Marionette Matinee
06:26
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Sitting here
Confined to a
Jack-in-the-box
Of isolation
Never knowing when the urge will strike
But it's always the same each time
Worthlessness and self-condemnation
For each and every thought
The repetitive cycle of shame and loss
I could tell you to your glaring eyes
That I want to kill myself
But when I tell you the truth
That I just want to die
It begins the decay
Of what a human should be
Laying here
There's no tongue
Able to profess these feelings into the right words
Like the music box at my bedside
I play my heart when you want me to
Then you turn me off
Filled with contempt that the truth in my heart
Is not the truth in yours.
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4. |
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Too scared to sleep
To step out
Being seen
Has become
Such a fragile hardship
This isn't my body
This isn't my voice
Nostalgia slips through
These delicate fingers
And I'm losing all sense
Of anything heaven sent
Hiding away
Is all I know how to do
Believing I'm dead
Pretending I've already left.
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5. |
These Past Few Years
07:45
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And I'm trying to reach you
I'm calling out to you
But you can't hear me
Stealing memory
Stealing sleep
These past few years
I've lost so much of myself
I'm not sure
If there's anything left of me
Worth saving
These past few years
Stealing dreams
Taking queues
I'm not sure why I'm here
Because these past few years
I've lost everything
I've lost every reason
And I'm trying to reach you
I'm calling out to you
But you won't hear me
No one will hear me
But you too
Would be ashamed
If you were me.
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6. |
Still Remain
06:19
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Cradling a jaw of stone
An egg emptied of yolk
No life left
Memory ceased for them
Long before my frail hands
Could grace their shells
Oh, how the days cease to glimmer
How the sun no longer shines
The reminder is pounded and ground
Into my essence each and every night
We all must go
They already have
Awaiting a second death
When all semblance of their memory
Is lost and forgotten
Awaiting my second death
That melancholic hour
When he holds you
And in his comfort
You forget my face
You can't remember my name
And in that hour
I'll silently stride away
From the darkest corners of your heart
To be left behind
Finding myself in what still remains
Of this life
Of what I had.
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7. |
I Belong to This
06:49
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Images of static
Burning a trail through memory
Bitter and singed
Reeking of sorrows
Bleeding through the bark
Of piney woods breathing a ruinous air
Voices of nostalgia
Soaking into every heavy, ashen cloud
Bitter and sodden
Tasting of second chances
Remaining through fear
Of time that will never come again
Light grown dim
Through every splintered ray
Forcing its way into my bed
Blocking out the stars
Sheets overhead
There is always so much more
I should have said
But evermore so many words
I should have never spoken
So many lives I could have left
All too many I should have
In this hefty, grey avoidance
Choosing to remain
In the depths
Of a cold, harrowing heart
I still remain
For I belong to it
I belong to this.
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8. |
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Always some hope
There will be something more
In and after this death
A light to shine
A beautiful smile to see
Each and every night
Maybe when all has left
I'll have another chance
To see your face
And hold you close
And if you're not there
I could spectate near
Watching over you
A minute flicker in the clouds
A guardian angel
Ensuring that
You're safe and sound
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9. |
Let Me Dream, Eternally
12:22
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I had a dream last night
Everyone I hold dear was there
Each one standing before me
Tears flooded their eyes before my body
A perverse nightmare of my own wake
I wanted to scream out to you
To tell you I was sorry
To let you know
How much I love you
But I'm not there
Then the eulogy proceeded
Each word was so thick and grey
I could have snatched and pulled them down
From the stars above us all
When you began to speak
Tears never ceased to flow
From your pale and wounded eyes
Each sentence felt so close
To waking my heart
I was contorted and writhing in such agony
I wanted to scream out to you
To tell you I was sorry
To let you know
How much I love you
But I'm not there
Cradled in a six foot crate of loblolly pine
And soon to be in one
Just large enough
To hold my ashes
Just the right size
To lock me away
Just the perfect size
To be thrown away
Each word was so thick and grey
I could have snatched and pulled them down
From the stars above us all
When you began to speak
Tears never ceased to flow
From your pale and wounded eyes
Each sentence felt so close
To waking my heart
I was contorted and writhing in such agony
I wanted to scream out to you
To tell you I was sorry
To let you know
How much I love you
But I'm not there.
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10. |
I Want to Go Home Now
09:35
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I can recall walking back from class. A usual overcast day sodden with heavy clouds, and an unbearable lightness sifting through the air. Everything was always so weightless in that town. Retreating back to my room, to my glass reclusion. Alone with my words. Alone with my shame. Staring out the window to a scene of the sun beginning to set behind loblolly and red-cedar. Remembering the Parana in the Mast Arboretum. Ignoring what work needed to be done. Ignoring the dull emptiness festering inside. Images of that lone Japanese maple fading. Standing in my own body as an apparition. When we got the call, I didn't know what to say. I couldn't believe you were gone.
I knew it would be soon. Watching the light from your eyes dim the month before. I never would have been ready. Sitting at Nigel's desk, at first in profound shock, and then wetting myself in a deluge of tears.
I never got to say goodbye. To hold you, and tell you one last time how much I love you. And there will never be a second chance.
Years have passed, and I no longer reside in the town, in which in my head, you passed away. Now your ashes are stowed upon the mantle. Everyday I walk past the remains of what you were. Now sitting mere miles from the remnants of your body, I listen to Town and Country's, "That Old Feeling", and think of you.
I was listening to it then in the wake of your passing. I listen to it now and remember how much I love you. But you're gone. You've been gone for nearly three years, and the scenery has changed. Yearning to return to that grey town to hold your true memory again. Back to Nacogdoches, where I was content to reside as a ghost. Going back to where I left my heart in the sheets of a twin sized bed five foot off the floor.
I want to go home. I want to go home now.
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I dream of you endlessly. Oklahoma
This Empty Carousel
IDOYE
Somewhere swallowed.
Cherish Sweet
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